lose my temper T.T

absolutely disappointed with myself. how come i lost my temper easily? i was actually going to cry yesterday after i yelled at eko, "comik su u tiam2 kong wa e?" eko intended to answer, but i didn't want to hear more sentences again, then i shouted "shut up!". OMG!! i can't control myself. the word shut up simply bursts out. the atmosphere changes in seconds. i was sure that nobody has ever seen me shouted that sarcastic word. T.T
and fortunately i could bare my tears not flowing down. if it happens, i don't know how to react anymore. i am the one who yell at people, and i am the one who is crying? das macht keinen Sinn, oder? that's Christine Lestari. the one who tries to never have even single fight with others. and when it really happens (like yesterday), she is about going to deal with the tears, again.

though it's not the first time he keeps teasing at me, but i don't know why? why can i have such a bad temper? why and why? arrgghhh.. i regret what i have done. i am going to apologise this night then. hope everything will be okay. i realise everyone was shocked yesterday. I made the situation became as cold as ice. dui bu qi >.<

sabbe satta bhavantu sukkhitata. saddhu saddhu saddhu